12/22/10
Advice about depression,
from Charlie, our cat
Dear Tova,
I wouldn’t know mouse turds about your depression or even what the word means. Does it have anything to do with food? Or with the blue ceramic mug you give me water in so I can splash around at the sink? By the way, that mug is a little difficult for me to drink from after I finish splashing. A bowl might work better.
Tova, or is it Tigga, I haven’t really had much awake time to notice you, in case you haven’t noticed. I have been catching up on my daylight sleep, as I do fairly well sleeping at night. Maybe this depression thing that you keep mentioning has something to do with sleep. Ifd so, have you considered sleeping 18 hours a day? If that doesn’t do it, you might want to try sleeping in the sink.
Have you tried catnip?
I’ve heard you talking about your back itching. I personally do know a thing or two about that. Maybe you need flea powder? Or maybe you need to scratch something like the side of the couch or a floor style cardboard scratcher like the one you keep promising to replace for me that is all crumbly and dead. You know, ripping up things is very good. You could try a roll of toilet paper or a dead mouse. That reminds me, last summer I personally caught and cleaned a mouse for you. I left a shining clean heart right in front of the bathroom sink so you couldn’t miss it first thing in the morning. Did you eat it? I sure wasn’t thanked, if you did. Do you think your lack of gratitude could be causing your strange condition?
Frankly, I don’t give a damn about your depression as long as you get me a new scratch box and catnip. Maybe you could forget about your condition by getting me more of the expensive canned cat food too.
And if none of that helps, try sleeping in the garage.
Charlie
Advice about depression,
from Charlie, our cat
Dear Tova,
I wouldn’t know mouse turds about your depression or even what the word means. Does it have anything to do with food? Or with the blue ceramic mug you give me water in so I can splash around at the sink? By the way, that mug is a little difficult for me to drink from after I finish splashing. A bowl might work better.
Tova, or is it Tigga, I haven’t really had much awake time to notice you, in case you haven’t noticed. I have been catching up on my daylight sleep, as I do fairly well sleeping at night. Maybe this depression thing that you keep mentioning has something to do with sleep. Ifd so, have you considered sleeping 18 hours a day? If that doesn’t do it, you might want to try sleeping in the sink.
Have you tried catnip?
I’ve heard you talking about your back itching. I personally do know a thing or two about that. Maybe you need flea powder? Or maybe you need to scratch something like the side of the couch or a floor style cardboard scratcher like the one you keep promising to replace for me that is all crumbly and dead. You know, ripping up things is very good. You could try a roll of toilet paper or a dead mouse. That reminds me, last summer I personally caught and cleaned a mouse for you. I left a shining clean heart right in front of the bathroom sink so you couldn’t miss it first thing in the morning. Did you eat it? I sure wasn’t thanked, if you did. Do you think your lack of gratitude could be causing your strange condition?
Frankly, I don’t give a damn about your depression as long as you get me a new scratch box and catnip. Maybe you could forget about your condition by getting me more of the expensive canned cat food too.
And if none of that helps, try sleeping in the garage.
Charlie
